remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
