you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
