I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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