sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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