my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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