She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
