Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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