I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
