my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
