I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
