At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
