who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
