we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
