is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
