he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
