dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
