Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
