You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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