He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
