All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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