that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
