I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
