I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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