I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
