we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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