Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
