he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
