I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i think my cat just said my name.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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