If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
