i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
