Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
