I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Boobs speak an international language.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i believe in u and ur pee
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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