she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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