OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Small penises have feelings too.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
