exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
