I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
