2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
