If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
