Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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