2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
