dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
