just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
