Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
