I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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