well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
