Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
