he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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