Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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