Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
