and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
