There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
