I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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