i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Shame - the story of my life.
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