Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
