I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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