Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
