okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
