Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize