hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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