She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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