I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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