i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
