i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
