me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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