I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
