I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
