I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
