I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize