i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
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