so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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