I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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