remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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