i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
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You. Win. At. Life.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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