some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
