i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
