you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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