Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
a search helicopter?!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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