your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
