Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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