Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize