Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
