yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
