I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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