he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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