Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
