I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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