we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
