I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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