this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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