So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
