i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
