You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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