dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
