I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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