I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
