everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
