mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
