I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my phone needs a breathalizer
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My vagina is very pro this idea
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
