im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
