all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
