I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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