We're like a lot better than the average bears
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
