I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
