I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
