if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I bet he comes in French.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
