New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
